So like... Why does hollywood still exist?
no seriously. There are some good artists in Hollywood, but you know what? This stupid shit has to stop
What stupid shit? What other stupid shit could I be talking about then the adapting of old cartoons from the 30-90s being turned into a shitty CGI movie?
Have ANY of these movies ever been good? I seriously thought about it, if there's ever been a CGI movie remake of a old cartoon that I didn't leave pissed off as hell about, because the jokes 90% of the time degenerate into:
A. Yo, hip-hop is so gangsta and alvin and (the chipmunks/the smurfs/whoever the fuck) is with the TIMES DAWG.
B. low brow humor, in a cartoon that was never really high brow, but is quickly lowering the standards with shit humor.
C. NOT. FUNNY. (ie: Tom and jerry movie, the flintstones movie, the jetsons movie, alvin and the chipmunks, every fucking adaptation EVER.)
So... what started this trend?
The first real attempt was the flintstones, which was a shitty movie. It was kinda low key on the CGI.... except for the backgrounds. oh and every fucking animal. The acting was horrible and it had every problem a cash in movie could probably have.
Everyone noticed the movie was shit, and it was never spoken of again.
Until the first successful adaptation.
Scooby. Doo. Goddamnit.
Next time, we'll talk about scooby doo.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Things I thought about at the YMCA.
Let's say I hand you my iPod for whatever reason. If you hand it back to me with the volume turned down, I will kill you. When I grab my iPod and I pick a song, I expect to hear something that will shatter my earbuds. I want my rap so ghetto and angry I'm allowed to list my race as black on college applications. What do I get, though? I get the quiet, gentle sound of what may be my music. I don't want the pitter-patter of little feet in my ear when I hit play. I fucking hate kids and their little feet. Don't force that shit on me.
I mean, in retrospect, it'd probably be pretty easy to just turn my iPod up whenever I get it back, but when you do community service at the YMCA, you don't have much else to think about.
On the subject of the Y, I have a three (3) things to put into bullet-list form:
- If by chance any of the 4 people who actually work at the Y read this, stop buying those shitty bulk-ordered rags. I don't care if it costs less - there is nothing more annoying than trying to wipe down mirrors, only to have to start a cat-and-mouse game with the loose bits of cloth that fly off and get stuck to the mirror.
- Dirty mop water is a blessing in disguise. You can mop a floor for hours, but it just looks like you got the floor wet. When you rinse out that mop in the clear water and it turns an ungodly shade of green and black, your heart is filled with joy. You've done a good deed. It's like the cool best friend your older siblings had who would tell them to stop picking on you all the time and give you reassurance. I never had one of those, and I'm sure as hell not one of those, but that's the metaphor that surfaced.
- "My mother used to chew me out for walking on wet floors!" - That bitch who seemingly went out of her way to walk on the floor I just mopped. Your mother may have used to chew you out, but that's because your mother loved you and couldn't bring herself to slap you.
I like to think I'm the YMCA outcast, because it's the coolest title you can have that includes YMCA. That's a thought for another time and another place, though. For now, I will just continue to double-fist a water bottle and a cherry Kool-Aid Jammer.
It's fun to stay at the YMCA. If you're not working there.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Avatar: the Last Airbender
Oh boy. Avatar. How much i absolutely love this series.
it's also why i couldn't stand to watch the fucking movie.
Seriously, it's the most ridiculous shit ever, even getting past the fact that the storyline had to be condensed from several hours into just an hour or two, there were ALOT of things wrong with the movie, the biggest problems likely being this:
A. Nerf firebending and earthbending, buff airbending, leave water bending the same.
Seriously. So now, firebending is literally that, firebending. fun. You NEED fire nearby to do firebending, which seems kind of a bad choice for an antagonist, because think about it, doesn't that instantly make water bending and airbending top tier?
A strong breeze could probably snuff out that torch they use to firebend, then it's game over for the fire benders. Those 2 elements utterly counter fire bending, with earth bending still being better due to the virtue that regardless of where the fuck you go, there's still earth, provided you aren't out at sea anywho.
Now you may be thinking, 'Hey HelpR you retard, why the hell did you say that earthbending is the second worst? Wouldnt water bending and earth bending be about the same? I mean, they both need the element available to do them.' Well, yes, except for one small tidbit. Apparently earth benders need 3-5 people bending a 10 pound chuck of earth to move it.
Yeah, water bending looks a whole lot fucking better doesn't it? Sure, you still need to carry around your water supply and use it as a whip, but at least you don't need several fuckers to move a bottle's worth of water.
Airbending is just plain broken. It's now the only element that doesnt require you to have your element present to manipulate it. Because it's air.
Obviously.
So let's take this into account, a big part of aang's fighting in the original series was deflection of attacks using air until he could reach a favorable position in which he could win the battle; almost always in a non-lethally. So honestly, what's stopping aang from merely going all commando and taking out an entire fighting force which can apparently only throw fireballs?
fucking pacifism.
Yes, I know it was a kid's show, and to be honest, it was refreshing to see a character that just plain did not want to fight, but had to, because if he did not, that would mean the end of life as he knew it. Aang was a complicated character as he had to deal with his pacifism in light of being protector and balance of all the nations in the world, and unfortunately, this conflict became a major focal point later on. Aang's a pretty cool character, but honestly, did this movie do him justice? Maybe in time it will, who knows.
I really just have one more major qualm with the movie, and it's a simple one: How did the fire nation get into a position of such power being so goddamn retarded?
Ok so. in the original series they had an episode where they had to rescue a group of earth kingdom prisoners who were on a metal rig. Almost all of them were earthbenders, however, there was no earth available to bend as they were out at sea. The episode ends with them overthrowing their guards and eventually becoming free.
The movie version of them is basically a concentration camp with them out in the middle of the woods.
Yeah. I hope you see the problem with this.
Alright so honestly, this first movie was blazingly stupid and did some really bad things. However, you know what I look forward to seeing in the inevitable sequel?
Azula.
Ok look, hear me out. There's no fucking way that shyamalan can fuck this up unless he's really trying.
Azula has control over blue fire and lightning, something few firebenders have. It would be rather interesting to see a firebender taken directly from the series, let alone the most lethal one, be shown in action and fighting.
Here's to hoping avatar doesn't get reamed. Again.
it's also why i couldn't stand to watch the fucking movie.
Seriously, it's the most ridiculous shit ever, even getting past the fact that the storyline had to be condensed from several hours into just an hour or two, there were ALOT of things wrong with the movie, the biggest problems likely being this:
A. Nerf firebending and earthbending, buff airbending, leave water bending the same.
Seriously. So now, firebending is literally that, firebending. fun. You NEED fire nearby to do firebending, which seems kind of a bad choice for an antagonist, because think about it, doesn't that instantly make water bending and airbending top tier?
A strong breeze could probably snuff out that torch they use to firebend, then it's game over for the fire benders. Those 2 elements utterly counter fire bending, with earth bending still being better due to the virtue that regardless of where the fuck you go, there's still earth, provided you aren't out at sea anywho.
Now you may be thinking, 'Hey HelpR you retard, why the hell did you say that earthbending is the second worst? Wouldnt water bending and earth bending be about the same? I mean, they both need the element available to do them.' Well, yes, except for one small tidbit. Apparently earth benders need 3-5 people bending a 10 pound chuck of earth to move it.
Yeah, water bending looks a whole lot fucking better doesn't it? Sure, you still need to carry around your water supply and use it as a whip, but at least you don't need several fuckers to move a bottle's worth of water.
Airbending is just plain broken. It's now the only element that doesnt require you to have your element present to manipulate it. Because it's air.
Obviously.
So let's take this into account, a big part of aang's fighting in the original series was deflection of attacks using air until he could reach a favorable position in which he could win the battle; almost always in a non-lethally. So honestly, what's stopping aang from merely going all commando and taking out an entire fighting force which can apparently only throw fireballs?
fucking pacifism.
Yes, I know it was a kid's show, and to be honest, it was refreshing to see a character that just plain did not want to fight, but had to, because if he did not, that would mean the end of life as he knew it. Aang was a complicated character as he had to deal with his pacifism in light of being protector and balance of all the nations in the world, and unfortunately, this conflict became a major focal point later on. Aang's a pretty cool character, but honestly, did this movie do him justice? Maybe in time it will, who knows.
I really just have one more major qualm with the movie, and it's a simple one: How did the fire nation get into a position of such power being so goddamn retarded?
Ok so. in the original series they had an episode where they had to rescue a group of earth kingdom prisoners who were on a metal rig. Almost all of them were earthbenders, however, there was no earth available to bend as they were out at sea. The episode ends with them overthrowing their guards and eventually becoming free.
The movie version of them is basically a concentration camp with them out in the middle of the woods.
Yeah. I hope you see the problem with this.
Alright so honestly, this first movie was blazingly stupid and did some really bad things. However, you know what I look forward to seeing in the inevitable sequel?
Azula.
Ok look, hear me out. There's no fucking way that shyamalan can fuck this up unless he's really trying.
Azula has control over blue fire and lightning, something few firebenders have. It would be rather interesting to see a firebender taken directly from the series, let alone the most lethal one, be shown in action and fighting.
Here's to hoping avatar doesn't get reamed. Again.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Castlevania
So.... castlevania.
Shit. Castlevania. Anyone remember the last time a good Castlevania game was made that wasn't handheld or completely ignored?
Me neither.
So.... why? Why did Castlevania just fall from everyone's good graces? When exactly did castlevania stop being one of the top 10 nintendo franchises?
I mean, yeah, there was captain N, but almost everyone who was a Castlevania fan realized that they treated simon like shit in the show, because obviously they need a dude to compete with captain N over pussy, but that can't be the entire reason that Castlevania is regarded so poorly nowadays, at least in the console market.
Oh yeah... that's right.
Nintendo 64....
Oh lord. fuck castlevania 64, fuck Legacy of Darkness, why the fuck did the 2 really shitty castlevanias have to be the ones who actually tried something new?
Because honestly, think about it, if castlevania 64 had been a good game without the bugs and with really good gameplay, what the hell would it have been and how would the series be now?
.....I dont know whether to be terrified at the concept of a Castlevania god of war knock off or to be delighted, but this needs to be made regardless because adding in gruesome deaths and combos with the vampire killer would admittedly be kinda awesome.
Think about it, simon belmont is pretty much a prototype for kratos, though I think Richter would be a more appropriate parallel, particularly when he hydrostorms all up in Dracula's face
Com'n, y'know you want it. a god of war knockoff featuring Richter Belmont.
Shit. Castlevania. Anyone remember the last time a good Castlevania game was made that wasn't handheld or completely ignored?
Me neither.
So.... why? Why did Castlevania just fall from everyone's good graces? When exactly did castlevania stop being one of the top 10 nintendo franchises?
I mean, yeah, there was captain N, but almost everyone who was a Castlevania fan realized that they treated simon like shit in the show, because obviously they need a dude to compete with captain N over pussy, but that can't be the entire reason that Castlevania is regarded so poorly nowadays, at least in the console market.
Oh yeah... that's right.
Nintendo 64....
Oh lord. fuck castlevania 64, fuck Legacy of Darkness, why the fuck did the 2 really shitty castlevanias have to be the ones who actually tried something new?
Because honestly, think about it, if castlevania 64 had been a good game without the bugs and with really good gameplay, what the hell would it have been and how would the series be now?
.....I dont know whether to be terrified at the concept of a Castlevania god of war knock off or to be delighted, but this needs to be made regardless because adding in gruesome deaths and combos with the vampire killer would admittedly be kinda awesome.
Think about it, simon belmont is pretty much a prototype for kratos, though I think Richter would be a more appropriate parallel, particularly when he hydrostorms all up in Dracula's face
Com'n, y'know you want it. a god of war knockoff featuring Richter Belmont.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Thursday, July 8, 2010
I like turtles.
As most people know, turtles are awesome, just ask this kid, he knows the score But why are they awesome? Well, they're hypo allergenic, they're cute, they dont require too much maintenance when you have the proper tools, and are generally not finicky animals. They can be trained to roam on land as well as to be friendly and loving to the touch of their master. They're cute for reptiles, and despite the fact they do shed their skin this doesn't detract from their appeal as pets. They're also really good hunters, so about 10-20 feeder fish provides you an interesting display of your turtle's hunting prowess as it fights for it's meal. Pure awesomeness. Coincidentally, they're also one of the few animals that sounds adorable in video when mating
Silly tortle, that's not another tortle, that's a shoe! Well, a croc, but whatever.
The only real drawback to the animal is about an extra 2 or 3 hours of maintenance a week as well as having to wash your hands after handling them (so basically the same thing as any other pet.) So I think we established turtles are great animals, so is it really any wonder why the animal is so popular in pop culture?
There's the teenage mutant ninja turtles, ninjitsu turtles which love pizza, three awesome things rolled into one.... and that's it huh?
Oh wait, there's the koopa clan. Of course, every Mario game this crew of turtles and mushrooms and inanimate objects makes an appearance, even if it's just a token appearance, and while they are considered to be rather weak as far as Mario enemies go, there is still alot of the buggers, so much so that you can barely walk 20 feet without running into one. Everytime they're hit with their own shell after being forced out by Mario's stomp, being killed shortly afterwards by their own shell, they keep trying to fight for the sovereign king of the koopa clan, Bowser. A hardy species, at least in their ability to survive as a race despite being killed by a fat plumber on a daily basis, they have been characterized in games like paper mario as perhaps, not being so bad, as some of them are in fact neutral and do not feel one way or another, often defecting from the rule of the leader of the koopas; sometimes even assisting mario against enemies that may pose a threat to the safety of the mushroom kingdom.
Okay, those are 2 good examples of turtles in popular culture, are there any other examples? If not, we need to get on it immediately and demand more turtle based media! I like turtles, dont you?
-Helper
Silly tortle, that's not another tortle, that's a shoe! Well, a croc, but whatever.
The only real drawback to the animal is about an extra 2 or 3 hours of maintenance a week as well as having to wash your hands after handling them (so basically the same thing as any other pet.) So I think we established turtles are great animals, so is it really any wonder why the animal is so popular in pop culture?
There's the teenage mutant ninja turtles, ninjitsu turtles which love pizza, three awesome things rolled into one.... and that's it huh?
Oh wait, there's the koopa clan. Of course, every Mario game this crew of turtles and mushrooms and inanimate objects makes an appearance, even if it's just a token appearance, and while they are considered to be rather weak as far as Mario enemies go, there is still alot of the buggers, so much so that you can barely walk 20 feet without running into one. Everytime they're hit with their own shell after being forced out by Mario's stomp, being killed shortly afterwards by their own shell, they keep trying to fight for the sovereign king of the koopa clan, Bowser. A hardy species, at least in their ability to survive as a race despite being killed by a fat plumber on a daily basis, they have been characterized in games like paper mario as perhaps, not being so bad, as some of them are in fact neutral and do not feel one way or another, often defecting from the rule of the leader of the koopas; sometimes even assisting mario against enemies that may pose a threat to the safety of the mushroom kingdom.
Okay, those are 2 good examples of turtles in popular culture, are there any other examples? If not, we need to get on it immediately and demand more turtle based media! I like turtles, dont you?
-Helper
Big things going on!
So, apparently this blog thing is gonna happen. I'm Oats, and I like to party. I also like cooking things and the internet. Also, I bitch about a lot of stuff, which could be something I end up putting on this blog I suppose. Anyway, I've got a short story to tell!
Last night, my friends Mike Lee and Billings were headed to Wal-Mart to get some stuff. We were at a stop light in the right of two left turn lanes, and there was a car in the other lane to our left. When the light turned green, we both go, but the other car decides it's a good idea to just drive into the oncoming lanes. The funny part isn't that they decided to do this and then realized their mistake in the middle of turning. No, they drove for a good 10 seconds THE WRONG WAY before turning around. It was high-larious, and basically made the night.
Hopefully I won't be completely lazy and actually put up some posts for people to follow. I'm not sure why people would follow this blog, but I'm going to do it anyway!
Last night, my friends Mike Lee and Billings were headed to Wal-Mart to get some stuff. We were at a stop light in the right of two left turn lanes, and there was a car in the other lane to our left. When the light turned green, we both go, but the other car decides it's a good idea to just drive into the oncoming lanes. The funny part isn't that they decided to do this and then realized their mistake in the middle of turning. No, they drove for a good 10 seconds THE WRONG WAY before turning around. It was high-larious, and basically made the night.
Hopefully I won't be completely lazy and actually put up some posts for people to follow. I'm not sure why people would follow this blog, but I'm going to do it anyway!
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